Morality Check

2011-03-22T18:26:00.001-04:00

Exploring The Barriers in Acheiving A Healthy Sexual Relationship (And Female Satisfaction)

2011-02-22T18:25:00.000-05:00

It is well documented in various university studies that women process information differently then men. This effects every facet of life, especially in how women achieve sexual gratification.

Becoming sensitive to the differences is key to both the male and female partner reaching a satisfactory end.

Women are generally more complex then men. Men need little incentive to obtain arousal and eventually have orgasm. Women reach arousal at a slower, unpredictable pace. For women sex and emotions are linked, however, every women is unique. Stress and emotional inhibitors can also keep a female from having an orgasm.

Our brains neurological responses to cerebral or any traumatic event is also important in understanding how we relate to one another. Regardless of gender, human beings have a tendency to learn behavior at an early age. Most of our impulses are installed by the age 18. Sexual, physical or even verbal abuse and / or a chemical imbalance also have an effect on our normalcy and how we relate to those we love. Thus compromising the fabric of what we become.

For the sexually abused person, this is especially true. The brain is responsible for performing a number of sensory and psychological signals, which lead to arousal and hopefully climax. The brain of an abused or imbalanced individual is subjected to the neurological reactions of the traumatic event(s). These changes will certainly effect the persons emotions, and manifest in their relationships. The victim is never at fault, however, and should not be held responsible for their brains response to such trauma. This article is not to be taken as counsel. Only God, understanding and and a professional ear can bring the victim to a greater sense of fullness and healing

Good communication is the most important component to having a healthy and happy sex life. Many times, if we feel dissatisfied with our partner outside of the bedroom, we can not expect contentment inside the bedroom. Men are typically unable to help their partner obtain sexual gratification because of their failure to pick up on non verbal communication. Even though males pride themselves on being awesome in bed, most are happy to focus only on themselves. The Man would vastly improve, if he starts paying attention to how the woman reacts to certain movements or positions

The woman, however should express her needs or desires more clearly, and not only rely on non verbal ques. To the woman non verbal communication is communication, but if the man doesn't understand no information has been relayed and he will continue in error. Communication is at its best when done in a spirit of love and friendship

Faking an orgasm enforces bad behavior, leaves the man no wiser, and the women dissatisfied. This is essentially lying and can create a breakdown in the relationship.

True intimacy is also important in creating a healthy and long term sexual relationship. To a man intimacy equals Intercourse. A woman’s definition is much more layered, and often includes other nonsexual needs being met.

For a healthy relationship it is necessary to create emotional not just physical intimacy. Creating emotional intimacy before initiating sex is best. A lack of emotional intimacy also signifies a lack of trust. Casual sex, while fun can lead to an unhealthy pattern of behavior without receiving any of the positive consequences of a long term sexual relationship. By design human beings cannot divorce the sexual with the emotional, intellectual, or spiritual elements of their personalty.

Sex is also unhealthy when a partner is not fully engaged or connected to the needs or feelings of the other. Formally, I mention the differences in gender arousal and how woman are slower to reach that important stage of sexual satisfaction.

Part of putting your partners needs first is understanding the importance of emotions. Being emotionally connected is an intricate part of the sexual experience, especially for women. Men tend to be goal oriented and women are more, big picture. This is why foreplay and cuddling are key to obtaining a mutual outcome. Woman need to feel courted and engaged, men not so much. Foreplay builds up anticipation and excitement, while cuddling allows both partners to remain emotional connected after the act of sex.

Finally, I'd like to deal with a few of the physical inhibitors of achieving mutual sexual satisfaction

For men premature ejaculation can be a trait of many problems, but for many this is easily remedied.

Premature Ejaculation often happens because of over excitement or lack of focus. The antidote for this can be anything from channeling your energy, to doing some physical exercise before sex, or just being less self involved.

Its important to note that physical exercise is helpful for many reasons, not the lest of which is an increase in sexual stamina and testosterone levels for men.

For women rhythm can be important. Here too non verbal communication is beneficial in learning how your partner is responding to your movements. Employing Coital Alignment Technique or C.A.T on occasion may enable the couple to become more in-sink with each others body. Excitement and spontaneity should go without saying, but all this is secondary to good communication

In conclusion, a healthy sexual relationship is most likely to occur when:

Sex was preceded by emotional intimacy
Both partners are communicating in a clear and supportive way
Trust and mutual respect are present in all facets of the relationship
The relationship is build upon Godly principles found in the scriptures
Both partners are attentive to the others needs and desires

Just a few personal thoughts on an important topic

Healthcare

2009-08-19T13:04:00.005-04:00

Public Option vs. Cooperatives

Having a public option is a vital part of the current health care discussion. Being a former Insurance Agent and Underwriter I can attest that a Cooperative isn’t going to achieve cost controls, ease pre-existing condition clauses, or expand coverage to those who most need it.

Cooperatives are to the insurance industry what deregulation and the repeal of the Glass Steagall Act was to the investments and banking industries. In the late 1990’s deregulation was going to bring about competition and level the playing field. More competition meant lower cost to attract more business and produce greater capital. However, as described in Sen. Dorgan’s book titled, “Reckless”, much of our current recession was caused by the mechanisms unleashed by deregulation.

Regulation isn’t a bad word. Regulation does not limit freedom, it enhances freedom. Regulation creates boundaries, safeguards, and balance. Creating the FDA insured that consumers would be better informed when making lifestyle and health decisions

In fact the invention of Medicare and Medicaid gave the insurance companies greater tools to make money. Medicare supplement insurance, Long Term Care insurance, AARP reinsurance products are all examples of private business initiative since the creation of Medicaid

Cooperatives would not lower cost or eliminate pre existing condition clauses

A Public Option, is just that an option. France still has private health insurance companies and reinsurance companies (not to suggest we go French).

II. Cost Controls

Negotiating Medicare and Medicaid reimbursements rates to the states is an important step in cutting cost.Minnesota, Oregon and even Maryland have suffered because of outdated formulas used to determine how each state is reimbursed for their dollar. Cost tables and overpricing safeguards should be updated and better managed

Whether popular or not we need to include legal and illegal immigrants into the discussions. First, because health care is a human right and also we‘re going to pay for them anyway, why not be upfront about it!

Tort reform and malpractice insurance premiums are important topics to address in the debate about healthcare. Every person should have the right to seek compensatory and punitive damages for a wrong incurred, but a lawsuit friendly society is another thing entirely.

Encouraging younger people to enroll in healthcare is an important ingredient. It expands societal responsibility and levels cost

III. Government Intervention

In my opinion there are things the government does well and other things the government does not so well.

Medicare is something the government does well. Most senior citizens love Medicare. It is confusing and imperfect at times, but it is the best we have. You don’t hear any Republicans saying, “Discontinue Medicare”. Why because it would political suicide and the success of the program far out ways the negatives

Most of the disagreement on health care has more to do with cultural fears and misinformation than anything substantive. An amendment including “Living Will” consultations turned into “Obama Death Panels”. Let’s arm ourselves with the facts instead of AK47’s!

Abortion isn’t going to be federally funded or encouraged.For those who say to government, “Take your hands off my Medicare”, too late!

We might be better served if we expand Medicare to include people under age 65. This idea would be less intrusive to the far right and make the healthcare debate easier to manage for Obama

IV. Finally

Healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Decisions of life and death should never be a business decision. Universal Access is the outcome we should strive for. Listening to our worst fears and special interest groups won’t achieve that.

Faith

2009-08-18T14:38:00.004-04:00

I. Faith

Faith is a complex matter. Faith brings joy to people’s lives as well as hardship. Faith inspires and also deceives. People have died for their faith. Many people have killed because of their faith. Through faith many dogmatic disputes are put to rest, and many more are started.

God gives humans a lot of freedom to express their faith. In faith we pronounce the wrath of God and display His love. If funneled correctly our faith is a testimony to others. Faith is at best a powerful tool. Atheists and Agnostics are such in part because of displays of faith misdirected. Rabbis, Imams and Priests find vocation because of their faith.

Like our cultural identity many of us find our faith in our surroundings and upbringing. Are we responsible for the tradition we adhere to? Yes and no

Diversity is important. It leads to understanding and appreciation.

For example

I enjoy reading the mystical writings found in Eastern Christianity; their explanations on issues of daily living are especially helpful

Rabbinical Judaism offers a lot of insight and analysis. As pure religion goes it’s the best out of the three monotheist religions

Islamic poetry is beautiful. Yes the Quran like the Christian bible makes doctrinal assertions, but it has a lot of beauty and reflection

It is upsetting when religious people project certainty about religions they’ve never studied or researched. Ignorance is especially dangerous in matters of faith. A fervent person could end up being a witness against their own faith instead of a magnet to it.

II. Private Reflections

Recently my own faith has been challenged. In the last three years I’ve experienced family deaths, financial failures, health issues, physical transformation, and love loss. I’m still a man of faith, but just barely.

If every person is given a measure of faith where is mine. I suppose this is my desert period. St. Theresa of Calcutta found meaning in suffering, but I’m not her.
Pius Muslims are transformed by suffering which can be described as the denying of their own desires (inner Jihad) to follow God, but I’m not them.

I am profoundly grateful for people of faith regardless of their religion. Great faith is a gift from God

But as for me of little faith, I’m always skeptical. I think it’s how I’m wired. I’m always asking questions. Of course I have core beliefs. I am now a catholic, was previously a protestant minister.

I rejected fundamentalism, it was full of wrath, but lacked love and intellectual curiosity.

Catholicism offers a feeling of connection, that even after death we are still connected to one another. But its arguments lead me to it, not its people. Many parishioners lack the people skills and enthusiasm found in some Pentecostal and African American churches.

I’m hopeful that the Charismatic Renewal and Eastern Christian mystical writings will find there way to the Latin rite

III. Concluding Thoughts

My thoughts tend to be random since my stroke. Just wanted to add to the discourse while I am able. The Fullness of your faith is revealed in your words and actions. Occasionally it is better to understand than be understood.

Lessons I learned from Michael Jackson

2009-07-13T12:12:00.001-04:00

Michael Jacksons’ death was an awakening for my internal compass. First, I always appreciated culture. As an individual whose ancestry can be traced back to four continents I felt culture should be embraced and is an important marker of one’s overall identity.

But today culture is a little less important. I am not saying that we should not learn from each other or adhere to the forbearers of our struggles for inspiration. But today I’m fully human…not Arab, Spaniard Sicilian, Polish or Cherokee Indian, instead just human.

There are experiences we confront as members of a community or as an individual, and yet we should appreciate humanity as a whole. Sure I may not feel connected to the 300lbs white woman with a mustache waiting in line in front of me at the deli counter, and you may not feel connected to the young orphan left hungry in Liberia, but still we are all connected. We can make those connections positive or negative. We can embrace or ignore them, but that doesn’t make them any less real

I felt sorry for Michael Jackson. He never experienced the fullness of childhood and often experienced friendships that were anything but. He was surrounded by people but felt alone because those people were not in sync with him they were seeking from him.You cannot pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

Hopefully you surround yourself with people that embrace and enhance you. They may correct you, but will always love you. I never met Mr. Jackson, but would have liked to now that I know he liked KFC. He expressed with his music what many cannot with their actions, a human connection. Honestly, I was more saddened by his death than that of my parents or others close to me.

I don’t know if he could see the Memorial tribute in L.A, but I hope he did. I was especially touched by Parris Jackson I’m going to make a point to appreciate those important persons in my life while their still here on earth.

I fondly remember a priest I met when I was 16 yrs old I’m beginning to pray for people who are not part of my daily life like Parris Jackson or the families of Euna Lee and Laura Ling. They needs Gods kindness

I do not normally blog about celebrities, but the last week was so touching to me. Celebrities are people with faults and alike, but anywayJust some of my random thoughts. Our lives can be illustrations of how to act, or how not to act.

The God Of my Understanding.. An Essay of Random thoughts on Religion

2009-07-13T12:06:00.004-04:00

During my childhood I had the privilege of being exposed to Jews, Muslims, Catholics and Protestants. At different times I learned valuable lessons from each of these traditions.

While living in Indiana I attended a Full Gospel Christian church. I can remember the youth minister making assertions that “Jews and Italians were responsible for the Crucifixion of Jesus” and how “Catholics worshipped the Pope”. None of these statements were said in a spirit of love or with any rationale behind them. Even at age 12, I understood the harm of these comments, but despite my attempts at correction, this man of God was very happy to continue proclaiming these ideas as part of the “Good News” or portion of the deposit of faith.

One of the most consequential relationships in terms of my formation was with a Roman Catholic Priest in Richmond, IN. I was 16 and living in half way house. At the time I was troubled by the history of Christianity and European Colonialism. I needed to hear a less definitive and more inclusive view of salvation, God, and faith. He provided that and much more. His explanation of Christianity was given with the spirit of love, ecumenicalism, and thoughtfulness not with the harsh and judgmental undertones of the white evangelical churches in rural Indiana I attended.

Even before I ever attended church I can remember living in a west Baltimore neighborhood and watching the Reform and Ultra Orthodox Jews participate in the various traditions of their communities. The differences between the two were night and day, but equally interesting. I was disappointed to learn that the prevailing Christian understanding of Rabbinical Judaism only extended to the foundational Judaism practiced during the Antiquities period.

By the time I entered Seminary, my spiritual understanding had grown from that of my peers. My own faith was grounded in themes of social justice, universality, and personal holiness. I felt that Islam, Judaism, and Hinduism were relevant and deserved respect. I was opposed to the soul winning “You’re going to Hell!” language of my contemporaries. I soon rebelled against that brand of Christianity and felt alienated or marginalized by people who should have shown me love

I believe that we are only accountable for what we know, and that God responds to all who seek him in a spirit of humility, whether we use Father , Yahweh, or Allah to cry out to him. God responds to the condition of the heart whether it belongs to a Muslim youth left orphaned by A.I.D.S in Nigeria, a devout Orthodox Jew, who seeks to know the God of Israel, or a socially progressive Christian, who is focused on the social and moral implications of the Gospel.

Jesus is my savior, however I cannot blame a young person who when confronted with Christianity thinks of the historical examples of the crusades or slavery or colonialism and rejects Jesus. The problem with religion is that people get involved.

In theory one could say, religion is neither good nor bad, but is dependent upon the interpretation of the adherent. Religion at its finest should lead us to a better understanding of ourselves, bring us closer to God, and create a greater desire to serve others.

The religious right continues to bring a conversation to Christianity that is unhealthy and unsound. When dealing with human behavior one cannot assert his / or her own belief as though it came directly from God, but instead needs to incorporate careful study and understanding about these modern issues, or else we do more harm than good.

After the Terrorist attack of 9/11 I was determined not give any weight to Pat Robertson and read the Quran for myself. I think many Christians would do well if they followed the Quran since they fail miserably at adhering to their own biblical tenants.

There is fault to be found in both Christianity and Islam and in all humanity in general.I have ancestral roots in both faith communities and wish that all Christians would educate themselves to what is truly contained in each of the monotheist religions (including there own)

St. Francis of Assisi Said “Preach the Gospel and if necessary use words”

And

Mahatma Gandhi Stated: “If it were not For Christians I might have become one”

…..Because Gandhi saw that Christians weren't following Jesus' teachings or principles. ... If Jesus taught love and peace, many Christians have not done a very good job of embodying it.... He might have had a different perception of Christians had they done so

I admire Rabbinical Judaism for how it has allowed itself to develop. It is lacking the dogmatic unquestioning pronouncements found in certain sects of Christianity, but oozes thoughtful debate found amongst its “Intellectual Fathers”. That’s not to say that Judaism lacks certainty, but it enjoys a level of honesty providing an avenue on how it has arrived at its conclusions, not found so easily in Christianity.

Honestly, I find goodness in every religion I’ve looked intoWe can learn something from everybody!

There is a mysticism found in Eastern rite Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy, that is almost entirely absent in the Latin rite and Protestant circles for one example

I have a politically progressive vent, but personally live a moderately conservative lifestyle. I Don’t like Hate. I think about difficult issues like Abortion and Homosexuality and cannot with confidence impose judgment one way or another

Unlike some theologically minded people the more I learn the less I know.

When one question is answered I think of three more to ask.

I don’t know why God hasn’t enlightened me as he has Jerry Farwell or Pat Robertson. Perhaps I’m not listening hard enough. Anyway until I hear Otherwise I’m going to remain open to learning from everybody, every faith and every culture.

Love is universal. And a religion that is not practiced with a spirit of love is being imposed not really practiced...Light should shine from within looking outward and lastly a smile isn’t specific to any language or dialect it is global:)

A Legacy of Love

2009-07-13T12:06:00.001-04:00

Liviu Librescu,a victim of the Va Tech shooting and holocaust survivor, along with Neda Salehi Agha Soltan, victim of the Iranian crackdown are my personal heroes.Both valued others more then themselves

Regardless of their life philosophy or approach to understanding. They loved God and believed in the good. I thank God for their lives and legacy they left. May God give peace to their souls

Sonia Sotomayor

2009-07-13T12:03:00.000-04:00

I didnt realize untill recently how racist Conservatives have become. Ms. Sotomayors achievements are numerious and historic. Her graduation from Yale at the top of her class had nothing to do with Affirmative Action, but more to do with dedication. Her legal opinions are mostly moderate, somtimes conservative or at times liberal leaning. Rebulican senators should oppose her not because she was appointed by a democrate, but oppose her based on principle. I am proud of her. As an american I am saddened by what her nomination to SCOTUS has revealed, That we are still a racist country, well it least some of us are I suppose

Immigration

2009-07-13T11:59:00.000-04:00

Since america gained independance from britian there has been mention of the american dream. But it should be renamed the anglo or white american dream. Going back to the nineteenth century this country has attempted to close the door on people of ethinicity calling america home n shutting them out of oppurtunity. The same thing that brought the pilgrims here in the 17th century is bringing people from across the globe here today, the hope of something better. Some whites use crime, security or fear to discourage mainstream thinkers and local governments from welcoming newly arriving latino, arabs or africans. This same tactic was used in the passing of the chinese exclusion act of 1882, continued with italians, indians and now latinos and arabs. For years this country operated on a formula which encouraged the migration of scandinavian and central europeans, then discouraged the migration of anyone else by means of country preferancing, qoutas, employment discrimination and so on

Newly minted african americans have the second highest success rate and the lowest crime rate concerning new immigrant communities. India is the worlds next economic powerhouse. A country full of beautiful and intelligent people who are bringing there intellect to our shores. Arab educators, african doctors, south american priests are all coming over here. And the poverished workaholic young immigrant who sees a haven here is going to be bringing his family from sicily, egypt, nepal or where ever he or she is from to american. The immigrant is historically a person of honor hard work ethic and humility, who comes from a poor but noble upringing. Lets not close our mind so that we fail to see the beauty in every individual life and story.

Gender Equality

2009-07-13T11:58:00.001-04:00

I am angered when I see the taliban bomb schools where girls learn or when I read in history how white christian males in the south passed legislation allowing them to rape black women during slavery. Whatever your religion we need to respect our women. Civilization began through the birth pains of a woman. How could we deny her access to her dreams and belittle her true value. Every man got here via a woman. I look forward to the the day when the religions and societies of the world can become more contemporary in how they view women within there respective communities

Poem

2009-07-13T11:57:00.000-04:00

A dream deferred a dream put on hold fulfilled til perhaps I am one day old. Prayers unanswers, aspirations uninspired. Just another life lived with lost desire

Dieting

2009-07-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

Last week while at a resturant I saw an over weight man order a reduced fat italian sub then asked for extra meat cheese and mayo along with a diet soda.. He is the same guy I saw spend two hours at the gym talking to a friend and called it a workout.. Healthy living is a lifestyle, not something you go on and off of or a New years resolution. Making small improvements such as walking instead of taking the elevator or eating untill your only 80% full to drastically improve the overall quality of life also make sure that you eat enough food to provide the energy needed to cope with the increased activity. You go off diets but a healthy lifestyle is maintained... I lost 60 pds of fat and am now 185 pds with 17in biceps 24in legs 43in chest and 35in waist. Im not where I want to be but im better off then I was. I have yet to win a body buiding competition, but it least I'm competing. As a former fat a** if I can do it you can too. Grab life by the ballz! Workout tips to follow later.

Religion

2009-07-13T11:55:00.000-04:00

Religion is neither good or bad, but is dependant upon the Interpretation of the adherent. The religious right continue to bring a conversation to christianity that is unhealthy and unsound. When dealing with human behavior one cannot assert his / or her own belief as though it came directly from God, but instead needs to incorporate careful study and understanding about these modern issues, or else we do more harm than good

White Patriotism is not to be confused with real patriotism ( This title is not to suggest that whites aren't patriotic)

2009-07-13T11:50:00.001-04:00

I am tired of some people who use patriotism to promote racism indirectly. First, poverty breeds crime whether your black, sicilian, mexican or arab. To understand the history of a people one needs to understand the circumstances and reaction of those people.

There is a denial of the consequences of european opportunism that faced many of the above named cultures over past centuries. You cannot break a man’s legs and arms then blame him for not being able to walk or clap. Secondly, many whites use national security and patriotism to justify putting their foot on the necks of many arabs latinos africans and some indians. They fail to recognize what they are actually doing when they act this way, it is challenging anything that isn’t anglo american. Racism is a sin that stains the soul of those being oppressed and the oppressor.

Lastly, we need understand the beauty of color. Our skin is the cloke of our ancesters. Our traditions are the threads of the culture or cutures from which we came. Learn to understand and love one another